Dec 1, 1979

I just got home, and I'm so fired up. Nate and I went to Westwood to see Quadrophenia and it was excellent. Before we went, we smoked a joint and subsequently got lost. When we got there, we each had a beer. I was only a little buzzed. Not really fucked up, thank god. I had a coke and by the end of the movie I had to pee so badly. Well the movie was thoroughly excellent and afterward we walked around Westwood and stuff. Then we left. We sat in the car at my house and talked. Then we kissed and stuff. I love kissing him. He also likes me too. Obviously! And he's so funny! When we were kissing he started to feel my boobs, but he stopped. I didn't want to to at all (stop, that is). I wonder why he did.

We might play tennis sometime. I hope he's good. He says he's not, so that will be an even match!

Nov 30, 1979

I'm so happy. I think I passed an alg test, tonite's our 1st playoff game, and best of all, I'm going out with Nate! We're going to Westwood to see "Quadrophenia" the new Who film. I can't wait. we're also going to drop by June's house to say hi. I hope my hair turns out ok.

We've been talking on the phone like almost every day. And it's great because we got along so well.

I got three A's on my Watergate report and six A's on my James Michener report. So in History, I'm doing great.

Oooh! I can't wait for Sat! Wait! What am I going to wear? I think I need to go shopping. I better find something, or I'll have to wear my cord pants which are too big in the waist.

Nov 21, 1979

Hello hello hello!
I just got home from the dance. What an experience. Shit! Nate came and picked me up in his parent's Caprice. We went to dinner at a Mexican restaurant and I tried to order a margarita and he wanted a beer, but the guy wouldn't give is any. Then we went to go party and he drove up some mountain and we were overlooking the valley. We did a few bong loads and the car wouldn't start! So we walked down the hill (me in my long dress, him in his suit and us totally wasted). At someone's house we used a phone and Nate called his dad who came an gave us a jump.

Then we finally went to the dance. Until then, we really hadn't done anything close, so at the dance we were arm-in-arm or holding hands. We waited in line to take pictures for about an hour. We danced a couple slow dances, and I was totally coming on to him. Then we left and went for coffee and we drove home.

It was a little uncomfortable for a second and we were at the door and when were kissing, it was great. We were really getting into it and when we finished, he totally hugged me and then I kissed him again and we started up again. Afterwards he said we gotta go out again and hope we have better luck.

I can't believe we hit it off like that.

November 14, 1979

Last Friday was my algebra midterm. I needed  B on it to get a B in the class. Well I failed. I was so totally pissed at myself I couldn't believe it. I came home crying.

Then Nate called. We talked for a long time about school, camp dances, everything. Anyways we have to plan where we're going for dinner. He's really nice. I'm buying a dress Friday and shoes I hope. I also have to get my hair done and a boutinere.
Whooyah!

Oct 28, 1974

Something funny happened on Weds. Ya see, on the PA I made a boo-boo! They were turning the volume up and down, and when it was off I said "Oh SHIT." But the guy turned it on as I said it and the WHOLE SCHOOL HEARD ME SAY IT! It was so fucking funny, I can't believe it. When I got back into class, they gave me a standing fucking ovation!

Last nite I went to a Halloween party. I was dressed as a mime. I drank a bottle of cold duck. We left to go to some guy's house to get some hawaiian, but his parents were home so we couldn't get any. On the way there I ran a red light but i didn't know! I was trying to maintain. We went to Steve G's house and watched Saturday Night on his waterbed. This morning I have a headache.

Aleta said she'd steal some pot from her brothers and give it to me! He he he!

Guess what I did? I asked Nate to the dance! He said yes too! Except his grandparents are coming out for a visit 'cuz his brother is getting married, so he might not be able to go. I really hope he can. Alice totally freaked out when I told her.

October 18, 1979

Last Tues was progress report day. I got a D/C in Algebra. I changed  the D to a B, so it said B/C. My parents went to open house tonite and in algebra, they went over my grades. Well, my alg teacher told them I got a D/C and they were sure it said B/C (which it did!). Anyways when they came home and asked if I changed it, I said yes. After a talk about my laziness and dishonesty, they decided I can't go with June to see "Chorus Line" this weekend. Also I can't go to the football game or talk on the phone.

I'm seriously thinking of killing myself. I know it's stupid but doesn't it follow the pattern with my life? Stupid things one after the other. I'm a born loser. Everything I do in my life I end up explaining. Everything gets fucked up somehow. The world would be better without me.

October 14, 1979

FUCK.
I'm so pissed. I'm so depressed. FUCK.FUCK.FUCK.

My fuckin parents don't go for anything I do. They're fucked. I bought some pants and a top a while a go. Well, I put them on with my brown velour top and my corduroy hat. I went in the family room to show the pants to them. They fuckin started to fuckin cut me down. First, they tell say the pants are too tight. Then my father tells me my ass is hanging out which is bullshit.

Why is my life so shitty dammit?

Also, next Sat I'm going to dinner and to see "A Chorus Line" with June. Well we were planning that I'd come over in the day. But nooooo, Zoe is not allowed to drive that far. June's parents won't let her drive on the freeway, so what do I do?

September 25, 1979

Today was cool compared with the 100 degrees of the past 2 weeks. I wore a brand new shirt, jeans, bra and socks. I looked good. Got lots of compliments.

I don't know if I mentioned this before, but there's a guy named Theo (he's Greek). I went to a party and he was there and we danced alot. Anyways he likes me. It's very obvious, but I don't like him like that. He's nice, but he's too nerdy for me. Oh we might have a dance marathon to raise $ for the junior class. The first prize is a CAR. He and I dance well together so maybe we'll enter.

My classes aren't that hard. At least not yet.

At Alice's party, Steve was there and he was really going for me all night. He just had to demonstrate how to frisk someone at a concert, and I was the one he "frisked." He then sat on my lap and deliberately leaned back and squished my boobs. So I sat on his lap and wiggled hard onto his dick. "Already Gone" was on the radio, so we started slow dancing. He was pressing and thrusting himself towards me, it was totally great. I thought he was going to kiss me, but he didn't. I don't know why...

There's nothing else happening except I have a hell of alot of work to do. I have 2 history reports due on Nov 26 and an English paper due sometime, I forget. In Algebra I'm 8 points OVER an A. Amazing, for a math retard, huh?

Today I cut 4th, lunch and 5th and me and Sher went to the mall.

I am going to have to work my ass off this weekend. I have a paper on Watergate due, I have to read "Last of the Mohicans" and I have a James Michener thingy to do.

Sept 15, 1979

11th grade started last Tuesday. I got all the classes I thought, except AP US History. Yay!

I have lost my passion for Joey. Nate is my latest heart-throb. WSe have said hi about 3 times. That's all, nothing else. Whenever we see each other I'm with my friends and he's with his, so we can't talk. It's a drag. BUT, I want to ask him to the vice versa dance.

My mother knows Lamaar and I said something about asking him to the dance. She had a shit fit. Prejudiced bitch. Almost as bad as Sherrie's parents. Also I mentioned Ken. I guess she's prejudiced against Japanese also. DAMN. It really disturbs me. I can't understand the ignorance. that's shitty.

Alice got her car yesterday. It's a '75 Maverick. White with blue interior. She bought it with her own money. I'm pissed because I could buy a car with my own money, but my asshole parents won't let me.

I am planning on going to all the home football games. Knowing my parents, though I probably won't be able to go.

Alice's sweet 16 is next friday. She wants me to bring Ken, but as of tonite thanks to my mother, I'm not. I hate prejudiced people.

Alice said I could invite Nate to her party. Well all week I've been trying to ask him, but I chicken out. He has a cute smile and whenever we say hi, he smiles and I freak out.

Friday nite is a football game and dance. I hope everyone goes. I have to because I'm in the Pep club. We go to all the games. I'm also in Government. And I think I'll tryout to be a PA Announcer.

August 9, 1979

Today was the staff baseball game. East vs. West. Alice hit a pop fly and I caught it! Nate picked me to be on his team. I was flattered! Well we (West) lost. Bummer.

After the game we went back to camp and everyone ate. Except me, of course. It got so boring so me, Alice and Aleta drove over to Helene's house. She nearly shit in her pants when she found out that Aleta is Allen's sister. A friend of the family was over and he was cute. That got boring so we left and went back to camp.

Everyone at camp had mellowed out and were singing songs when we got there so we joined in.

Nate is very good looking. He has a 3.9 GPA and got a 4 on his AP US History test. He also parties. His smile makes me die...

We had a talent show at camp too. Alice and I did our hillbilly thing and made fools out of ourselves. We also did Picolomini and I nearly hyperventillated. We were called back for an encore, but we didn't have anything else, so we did Picolomini again. It was fun.

Carolyn got her car on Friday. It's a '76 Orange B-210 with black interior. It's got AM/FM and air conditioning. I want it! On Monday she's coming by so I can see it.

On Thurs I got my guitar case. It's got dark blue velvet inside and metal outlining outside. It's very nice. It was $75 but I got it for $53.

August 5, 1979

I'm in the shittiest mood.
Thurs nite I was supposed to go out, and I couldn't. Fri nite Louise was supposed to come over and we were going to to go to the Zone and visit everyone at the camp overnite. Well, we didn't. Tonite I want to go to the Zone and I can't. FUCK these parents of mine.

Today, Carolyn and I went to the mall. I got "Grand Illusion' (Styx) and a leather clutch bag. I'ts really cute. We saw alot of nice stuff for the fall but it was all so fricken expensive. I saw a velour top (turquoise with dark blue stripes). It was $40. Shit. EXPENSIVE.

Sat nite there was a Beatles special on the radio and tonite there's another one.

My next year's schedule is goint to look like this: Honors English (Hard), Chemistry (Fair to Hard), AP History (Intolerably HARD), Cheerleading (cinchy), and Health (a snap). Five solids. Shit. Oh well, I guess that's life. Life's not going to get better, just harder.

August 3, 1979

Yesterday I didn't see Kent because our group didn't go to the pool. He works there. But today I did go there. He was sitting on the other side of the pool and totally ignoring me. I was staring at him.

Anyways I'm in a shitty mood now because my parents won't let me visit camp tonite (it's an overnite), and they also won't let me go to the Zone.

August 1, 1979

High,
Tonite was the staff baseball game and I think I'm in love. After the game we all went back to camp and had pizza and shit. There was a truth or dare game and Aleta dared Kent to kiss me for 10 seconds. That was the best 10 seconds of my life. Shit, he's a good kisser. He started frenching me and I was totally responding. It was excellent. All the way home I couldn't stop smiling. God. He's a good kisser.

When he was dared, I saw Allen's face. There was some jealousy showing.

July 30, 1979

My life is pretty good. Last thurs nite Me, Alicia and a bunch of other people went to the Zone. It was fun. On Fri nite was Vicky's party. Todd was there. He looks so good. Shit! But he's still going with Lori. I also saw dear old Ken. He said some kind of comment about me which I'm not sure about, but it was positive. I have to call Vicky and find out his phone # so we can go out or play tennis or something.

On Monday I asked Bobby to please get me a dime bag in time for the party. Well he couldn't so I asked Allen. Allen and I are talking now. No biggie.

I am realizing there are only 6 more weeks left until school starts. That sucks.

July 20, 1979

My life is shit, as usual. So many cruddy things have happened.

My mother's photography class assignment is to take pics of the family. So I was sitting in the bathroom, drying my hair, looking like a total fool, and in she comes and takes a pic.  Bitch. I hate candid pics. Then to top it off, she starts bitching at me cuz I didn't want her to do that. Then she starts lecturing me. Bitch.

The big fucker is that Alicia went out with Steve tonite. Bobbie, Marc and I were going to meet them there. But no. Dear parents won't let Zoe drive with teenagers. FUCK LIFE.

Tomorrow's the day I get my first paycheck. Tomorrow nite my parents are going out. Maybe I'll see if Bobby and Marc can stop over.

July 17, 1979

Let's see, what's happened.
Well, I got a whole bunch of keys (6) for both cars, June came over, and I've got an infection that made my face break out in hives or something.

Steve asked Alicia out. I'm pissed because I want to go out with him. Bobbie asked me out, but I don't want to go out with him. He asked me also to go to the beach with him and Marc on Sundya cut I couldn't go. Marc is my CIT next session.

Oh yeah, at the beach last Weds, Allen talked to me as if nothing had happened. Fucker.

On fri night there was an overnight and I got paid $30 for working on it. We had fun. After the kids went to sleep, we went out in the parking lot and drank beer and went scorpion hunting and played frisbee and went martian hunting.

Afterwards, me Bobbie, Karne and Larry went a put toothpaste on a bunch of kids. The next day we got busted by Tony, cuz some kid told him that he got toothpaste in his hair mysteriously. Three counselors also narked on us. Anywhooo, Tony told us he was going to tell the director. Meanwhile, we all were shitting bricks. We were afraid we were going to get fired.

Later on, Tony came up to me and said he told the director but he din't tell our names. We were so happy.

Our car insurance only went up $100 per year. That's pretty good.

Tomorrow, Alicia and I are doing a singing thing at camp with our guitars.

In 2 weeks, Vicky is having a surprise party. Joey will be there, bathing suit and all. Ooooh baby.

On thurs, we are going to see Meatballs (the whole staff), and we're going to wear our staff shirts and be totally insane.

July 9, 1979

High (I wish),
Last Sat nite I sent driving to Jennifer's house. We talked for a while and then we went driving around. On Monday nite I told my patents that we were going to Farrells but we really went to DJ's house. Then we went to Marc's house and Steve G. was there. We wanted to go Steve and Bobbie's house. Steve said to follow him so we raced up Wilson and Elkview and totally surprised Bobbie and Steve.

When we had to leave, they all went with us to the car. Steve sat on my lap, Bobbie sat on Alicia's lap, and Steve G sat on Steve. Steve had a shit fit when Steve G started squeezing his lig thinking it was mine! Anyways, we were sitting there yelling and screaming and they turned the radio and the windshield wipers on. Then we finally left, and I started the car and ran straight up the curb! Well, today the whole camp found out about my wonderful driving.

Last night was very, very fun. So today at camp Bobbie and Steve were being very nice to me. Bobby even asked me out.

Tomorrow I'm going to the beach. So is Allen. We don't talk. I hope I get a tan.

July 6, 1979

I hate life. My parents won't let me ride with Carol even AROUND THE BLOCK. They won't let me ride with anyone that doesn't have experience. They won't let me go out. Nobody would ask me anyways. I am so depressed. I even started counting the days until I turn 18. 723 to go. CAN'T WAIT.

I lost a couple pounds, but that means shit. I have to lose 10 pounds before the end of summer. I think I'l make up a schedule and follow it.

July 1, 1979

Today was Carol's b-day. I bought her a ring but she's away for the weekend, so I can't give it to her. She's getting a car. BITCH!

Yesterday I got my license. Wow. I can't drive tho. We don't have insurance or something. Sucks.

Tomorrow Sherrie and her boyfriend might come and visit me at camp.

June 25, 1979

Today was the first day of camp. Shit. This summer's going to be very interesting. Steve G is a vegetable. I don't think he'll do anything unless ordered to. He's the laziest dude in the world.

Allen and I haven't exchanged a single word. I don't now if that's good or bad. I'm being miss sweetie to Aleta though.

The kids in my group are wild animals. Ugh. Oh well, that's life I guess.

June 22, 1979

Hellllo,

Today was the second inservice. I'M WORKING WITH STEVE G. Shit. He's the absolute worst person in that camp. Today Allen stared at me constantly. He especially freaked out when he saw me in my bathing suit. Fucking geek.

Me and his sister have been getting to be better friends. I realized why I'm doing that. I guess I'm using her to make Allen jealous or something. Oh, I don't know. Whatever.

Anyways, today was better than yesterday. Alice is working with Steve M. She's lucky because he's a sweetie pie.

June 21, 1979

Good day!
Today was the first inservice. Yuck. I don't think I'm gonna totally love camp. The CIT's are crud (Aleta, Robbie, Jodi, Frances---who looks like Gilda Radner). There aren't very many good counselors either.

At lunch, Edie drove me, Alicia, Karen, and Aleta to McDonalds. We almost got killed. Anyways, me and Alicia sat with Aleta. You know, she is Allen's sister, right? Today I shined Allen on  all day. We didn't exchange one word. He kept on staring at me. Or so says Alicia. I didn't pay any attention to him. Shine on!

Every girl was flirting with Marc today. It's probably because he's the only semi-decent looking person there.

On weds, June got her wisdom teeth pulled. Poor dear! Also on Weds, her grandfather died. The whole world is over her house.

Yesterday I went shopping. I got 2 pairs of shorts, one top to go with them, a pair of pants, a yellow top, a white top, a blue top, and a skirt. Oh year, I also got shoes! Woah babe!

June 18, 1979

Hi!
Today was dull. I woke up with the worst fricken cramps ever. All day I just sat around and talked on the phone.

Sherrie called me and she's planning the most excellent beach party. We'll go to county line and spend the whole day there. We'll build a fire, I'll bring my guitar, and we'll all just get totally radical.

Well, that's a pretty good dream. I seriously doubt that I'll be allowed to go.

This week I want to get together with everyone. I don't think mommy dearest is going to let me.

June 17, 1979

Today was a bitch. A couple of the groups went to the beach. Alicia went. I was stationed at arts and crafts and pool (It was about 100 degrees today and loads of smog. Barry and I talked a little. Alicia's pissed 'cuz I said I didn't really like him and now I am coming onto him. Anyways, I also talked to Marc. I'm absolutely exhausted. Oh yeah, Allen and I still haven't talked and he is always staring at me.

I'm dying to know if anyone has said anything to Allen about me. Everyone knew that we'd been going together. Oh well.

June 17, 1979

Hello there dear diary!
Schools out! Finally. On Friday nite I went to a party. It was pretty fun. Ken was there and we slow danced. His penis was hard. I brought brownies and told everyone that I put pot in them! It was so funny to see everyone get high off of nothing!

The next day, Carol, Alicia, and Helene came over. We talked, swam, talked, ate, talked, signed yearbooks, and talked more. It was really fun.

June's grandfather is dying. He's got cancer and he's in a coma now. Everything's shit at her house. Poor kid.

Alicia got asked out by a zillion guys! On friday she went to the Zone and next week she's going out with a guy to Westwood! Sounds good!

I got a terrible report card. In French I got a B (the teacher is an ignorant bitch). In P.E. I got an A. In English I got an A. In Geom I got a B!!!!!! Mr. Kawabata said Merry Christmas when he gave me my report card! In bio I got a B. My total High School GPA for 10th grade is shit. It's 3.2 and that sucks.

The weather's shit. Of course. I mean, why would it be good when we're out of school!

June 11, 1979

Shit.
I absolutely despise living in the same house as that bitch. This morning I wore a really cute shorts and tank top outfit, and the first thing she said to me was something about me going jogging. I said not exactly. Then she started cutting me down and criticising my personality. WHERE IN THE FUCK DOES SHE THINK I GOT IT FROM?

Enough of this shit. Friday and today and tomorrow is all finals. On friday I had eng and I think I got an A. Today I had geom, and I think I got a B. Tomorrow I have bio french.

These past 3 days have been around 105 degrees at 9:00am. So of course I laid out. But did I get a tan? No! All I got was a burnt ass and a burnt back.

June 7, 1979

Hello,
Today was shit. So was yesterday. Joey shined me on twice. I even told Vicky, hoping she may relate my feelings to him.

So today I didn't stare at him the whole time, and I didn't hardly think of him at all. Screw him, right?

Next friday I'm going to an end-of-school party and I'm making "pot" brownies. Actually I'm not, but if I psych out everyone, they'll get high anyways. Funny, hun!

June 5, 1979

I'm feeling really great lately. Definitely because of Joey.

Yesterday was really crappy. They screwed up my schedule for next year. I got a B+ in Eng, in Geom I failed yet another test, and in Bio I got a B, when I thought I got an A.

Since yesterday was so cruddy, I was extra hyper today. I wore my hair down with two little ponytails sticking out. Really cute! I also wore a skirt and blouse and looked pretty good.

I was very cheery to everyone. Also tomorrow I'm going to be happy and totally high. I'm still in love with Joey but I haven't gotten to know him at all. Oh well.

I've liked guys before, but Joey's the first one that I want to make love to. Sound perverted? Well, I guess it is. It's just that his body is so excellent and he's got the biggest balls I've seen. Also he's got an excellent personality (at least that's what people tell me, since I don't know him). I want to go for him so badly, I can't wait to sign his yearbook. Maybe by some remote chance I'll call him this summer and we'll go out. DON'T I WISH.

June 3, 1979

Happy June!
I'm feeling so high 'cuz June is the fantabulouest month of the whole year. Last night Alicia and I went to see "Love at First Bite." It was really great. Afterwards, we saw Harold and Steve L. Harold's the same, but Steve L. is really cute and so tall. I wish we could've talked longer but Alicia's mom came to pick us up. Oh well.

Afterwards we went back to Alicia's house. That's pretty much it.

May 31, 1979

High!
I'm so in love with Joey. And I'm so pissed at Vicky. She keeps on doing the most asinine things. She always tells him crud like I like him or something. She makes it sound so immature.

Today was pretty good. Yesterday I got a D on a geom test. I'm very worried about my grade in that class.

Yesterday at lunch I was really near Joey. He was wearing very tight pants, and I was staring at his balls. God I love his bod. I dream about us going together. We'd make a cute couple if I do say so myself.

He's so gorgeous. He's got brown hair, brown eyes, a tan, excellent legs and absolutely excellent body, great features, a good personality, and NO GIRLFRIEND. Just about every girl in school flirts with him. And he flirts back.I wish I knew him better. And, like Vicky said, now we can sign each other's yearbooks.

Oh well, I have to wash my hair for tomorrow. You see, it's a friday, the first day of my birthday month. I'm going to wear a dress and bring my guitar to school.

May 28, 1979

Hey diary!
How's it goin! Today was memorial day--no school. Alicia slept over last nite and we played guitars, listened to records, played ping pong, played bumper pool and talked. It was fun.

I can't wait to go back to school tomorrow. Joey, of course.

Carole asked me if I wanted to go to a movie tonite (an early one). My mother wouldn't let me, BITCH. She probably wont let me go see Hello Dolly. Fuck. She'd better.

Oh my god, I just remembered. Allen's b-day is coming up. Should I get him a card or something? UGH.

May 27, 1979

Howdy!
It's 11:18 and 25 seconds. Now 30 seconds. Alicia is over and she is such a spaz. She can't play "Roundabout" if her life depended on it.

I FINISHED MY EXPERIMENT! Finally. My hair is tweaked out totaly, but I couldn't give a shit. That's because I'm constipated, ha ha. Not really.

We are so high.

May 26, 1979

I think I'm in love with Joey. He's very, very nice and his bod is absolutely the best. I might ask him if I get up the the nerve, to go to Hello Dolly  with me at school next fri nite. He's so wonderful.

You know, I was reading this before and there isn't much stuff in here about Alicia. Even tough she may not be mentioned, she's absolutely the wonderfullest friend a person could have, and I love her alot. June is a terrific person, but she's changed alot and not really for the better (she's getting a trampy reputation).

I want to become better friends with Joey so badly, but there are so may girls that like him.

Carol's in love with Dave G. If they get to be better friends, they would make the cutest couple. So would Joey and I. I'm so infatuated, can you tell?

There's not much else to say except I'm going crazy because of my bio term paper and other crud. But, only 14 more days of school, so I'm not complaining!

May 16, 1979

Screw you, bitch.
Next year she expects me to somehow get a ride to and from school with (her words) friends who don't drive sticking their arms and legs out of windows.

What? Wake up dumbass. I'm sure. She is so messed up, she can fuck herself.

May 7, 1979

Last Friday I broke my nose playing softball. Now I have to take corrective P.E. Sucks!

My bio class made a class scrapbook. I got voted "best body." Vicky said "it's because of her boobs." Sweet, huh.

Nothing much else new. I'm slacking off totally. Except in Eng I got 1 A and 3 A-'s on my poetry thingy. Now I just have to have an A on my oral. Lets see, in French = A, P.E. = A, In Eng: A. In Geom: B or C, in Bio: B or C. Not good.

I want to do something to my hair. I think I'll wear it semi-up tomorrow. Maybe not.

Ugh. My social life is the pits. Vicki is going to introduce me to Joey Ramirez (cutie), and Sherrie's going to introduce me to Paul. I hope one of these guys goes for me.

What could I do to get my social life more active? I could go for Mark next summer. I probably will. He might go for me. I hope he does. He has a good bod. Also, he has a convertable sports car.

With this fricken nose I have to sleep with 2 pillows, on my back. Therefore, I now have terrible neck problems. Also I have constant headaches.

May 15, 1979

FUCK LIFE.
I have a terrible problem. I'm getting 3 A'a and 2 B's and I couldn't give a piece of shit. I should be overjoyed, right? I'm not.

Before, Alicia was saying wonderful next year is going to be for her. She's getting a car and will be able to drive all around and shit. She's not taking AP or anything. My life next year is going to be a bitch. No fuckin car, I have to fucking take AP HISTORY. UGH.

I'm so fricken depressed. So what's new. I want a fucken car. I don't even want to think about my sweet 16 party because I'll have no guys to invite. Shit, I could always have just a couple of friends over or we could to to the Improv or the Comedy store.

May 1, 1979

Happy May!
Today Alicia came over to school to visit. It was a blast. She got to meet Carol, Sherrie, Reggie, etc. It really was fun.

Tomorrow my bio class is going on a field trip to a marine biology boat. Fun. We have to be at school at 6:15, ugh.

Only 6 more weeks until camp. I can't wait. It'll be a total blast.

Today at lunch I went to cheerleading. It was pretty fun. Next year, if I can fit it into my schedule, I'm gonna take cheerleading.

April 29, 1979

Hi! Today was open house at camp. It was pretty good, except for some of the people who are returning this year. The counselors aren't exactly the greatest, but I guess I'll survive. Allen wasn't there today, so maybe he isn't working there this summer.

When we got there we all had to meet at the circle for a staff meeting. Steve and Bobbie were late. As soon as I saw Steve coming I jokingly said to Alicia maybe he's sit next to me. Well, to make a long story short, he did. Alicia couldn't believe it. I was so happy! I hope I get to work with him next sumer. Also there were some counselors that weren't here today so maybe there's a cute one for me.

April 28, 1979

Hi! God I was freaking out on the 21st!

Well, this past week has been OK, I guess. I'm getting to be better friends with Carol and Sherrie, and through them I've met a few people.

There's a guy named Paul who is the most gorgeous thing that ever walked the earth. He is the 10th best 16-year-old surfer in the world, and he skis also. He is so gorgeous. Sherrie knows him, but for some reason she won't introduce him to me. I don't know why.

Tomorrow is open house at camp and I hope there's a whole bunch of new and cute guys there.

I haven't been sticking to my "diet." I eat because life is so full of shit. Otherwise, I wouldn't have to. I think every time I get "hungry" I'll chew gum or exercise or play guitar or do homework.

I've been so loaded down with homework, I can't believe it. I have the poetry booklet, the experiment, and abstracts to do.  That's just long term things. I also have nightly homework.

Oh well, summer's just 35 more days away. I can't wait.

April 21, 1979

FUCK.
Life is a big deep, dark hole. And I can't get out of it. I have my world. I hate it.

Is there anything I love? I love dreaming.

I love dreaming about what could be, what should be, only to realize it's foolish. Communication is an unknown word in my life.

FUCK ALL OF YOU.

April 17, 1979

Life is Miserable.

I hate my life so much. I've been getting totally disgusted about everything. My mother (I'm ashamed to call her that) is a totally sarcastic bitch.

Why me? Why does all this SHIT have to happen to me. I can't take all of this shit very much longer. I think I'm gonna buy a dime bag off of Regina and run away from this shittiness. Alicia might want to come to.

Life is fucked. School's not that bad, in fact, it's pretty good compare to life at home with this fucked family.

Everyone bugs me. My father (at meals) sits there and shoves the food into his mouth like he can't get enough. No wonder he's so fat. And when he's done, he burps about 20 times, but he tries to suppress them. But since he's such a monster, the suppressed burp just explodes inside him. It makes me want to puke. EVERY NIGHT.

I'll cut down everyone else later.

I'm so depressed. I'm also in a total rut. I'm going to change. From now on, no matter how hungry I am, when I get home from school I will NOT eat anything. I will do tons of exercises on the bike or whatever. I will bike ride for  hour during Mary Tyler Moore and Bob Newhart. I'm going to lose 20 pounds before summer.

If I meet someone this summer, I'll be more confident that I was with Allen. I think. Oh well, whatever. I just hope I meet someone totally cute and nice.

April 16, 1979

Crud! Vacation's over. Want to know what I did? I went to Knott's Berry Farm, laid out, and played tennis. I didn't do any work. Shame on me! All-n-all, it was a complete drag. Just think, next year about this time I'll have (hopefully) a car and will be able to drive to the beach over vacation.

I also got my CPR test done. I didn't get the certificate tho. I'ts worth $50 extra this summer. I'm also enrolled in advanced life saving. Another $50. Let's see:
$700- for the 2 sessions
$20-for the open house
$100-for overnites
Total - = $860--Oh my god! Not bad. Maybe, just maybe I'll be able to buy a normal car next year.

I can't wit till summer. I want to meet a cute, burly, smart guy. Helene thinks Allen still likes me because he totally avoids me and seems depressed. If he does see me, he looks like he really wants to be friends with me but that I'll tell him to fuck off or something. Too bad.

I CAN'T WAIT FOR SUMMER!

April 12, 1979

Hi. Let's see, what's happened this past week? Well, on Monday, Alicia came over and we went to the Zone which was closed. Then I slept over her house. In the morning we went to the mall and I threw up. On weds I was ill.

Now this is what happened in June's life: On Sat, she went to Palm Springs. Mike asked her to go to the California world musical festival on Sun. Well, they went and there was a riot, June got lost, and Mike lost his keys so they took a cab home. They also partied.

On tues her family went to Disneyland. She didn't go. Instead she and Mike went to see "Hair" and came back to her house. They started kissing and Mike was undoing her blouse and trying to french her. Well, in the middle of this, her family walked in! Mike ran into the bathroom and June ran into the hall buttoning her shirt. Her parents knew he was there because his car was out in front.

Well, her parents balled him out and they balled June out. They called her a tramp and they thought her and Mike were having sex. They made her call him (with her mom on the extension) and tell him she wasn't ever going to see him again at school or anywhere else. She also can't talk to him on the phone. Isn't that irrational? Also, her parents were saying crap about having no trust any more (sound familiar?). She is up shit creek.

Now June has a hickey on her neck, and her parents are REALLY pissed off. they have Mike, they called him asinine and a fucking bastard (in her dad's words). Her dad said he could tell Mike had a boner. They told June that the Persian boys she knows are better than Mike. They are actually more perverted.

I gotta split now, because I got to go take the red cross life-saving test.

April 7, 1979

Hello,
Today's Helene's party. It'll probably be a drag, everyone speaking Japanese except me and Carol. Oh well, I guess that's life.

I'm going over there at 3:00 to help out. My bitchy mother wants me to go to some store to get some shoes. Drag.

April 5, 1979

MY LIFE IS MISERABLE. 

Today was report card day and I got an A in French and an A in P.E. I got a B in Eng and a B in Bio. Finally, I got a C in Geom.

Tomorrow is this HUGE test in geom and my parents are to blame if I fail it. You see, tonite I had to go to a totally ridiculous play that my sister's school put on. I HAD TO STUDY. Any ways, when we got home, they accused me of lying to them (so what's new). Then they spazzed out about my report card. I HATE LIFE.

I swear, it reminded me of 8th grade, or whenever, when they kept balling me out every single day. SCREW LIFE.

Anyways, now I'm siting here crying my eyes out. Partly because of these so-called parents of mine, and partly because I'm very hi-strung now. It's been a while since I've let my emotions out, so HERE COMES. I think I'll cry myself to sleep tonight.

As of tonight I am making this promise: I will NOT let anyone "get" to me. I will work my ass off getting good grades. I will not think of the future when I'll be able to leave this shit hole prison, and hopefully become sane again--if I ever was.

April 4, 1979

Hi!

I cut school with Vicky today and went to ND. While we were waiting for the bus, Nick drove by with the camp bus. Freaky! Also, Mark N. got on the bus at Nord St. and we talked. Alicia thinks he likes me. I hope so, he's got a great bod and face. His personality is so-so, but I don't care.

There's a guy who sits behind Alicia and gives her backrubs. His name is Albert. He's the sweetest guy. He's also totally gorgeous. BUT, he's got a girlfriend and everybody is going for him at ND, namely Alicia!

Mark and his friend are coming to my school tomorrow. Tomorrow's progress report day. I think I'll get an A in French, an A in P.E., a B in English, a C in geom, and a C in Bio. I hope not. I'll totally shit if I get that crap.

This sat is Helene's party. I hope I have fun. Ken is going to be there. Maybe I'll ask him to slow dance with me. I love his bod.

I'm getting my hair cut for her party--really short. Also I'm wearing a really pretty dress. I hope I meet someone super nice!

Easter vacation starts this weekend! I can't believe it; school's 3/4 over. Amazing.

I can't wait for summer. Maybe by some far, remote chance, someone will ask me out or something. I HOPE SO.

On Fri, I have a geom chapter test and I have to study for it. So, ciao for now!