February 28, 1979

High (no I'm not).
I HATE MY LIFE. I'm so depressed. Today I brought my guitar to school. Wow. Nobody gave a shit. What can I do to get people to notice me? Life is so fucking boring. I have no friends. All I do every day is homework. Nothing else. What a total drag.

Shit. I wish I could act happy and say hi to everyone.

Maybe tomorrow I'll act. It's even more depressing though, because after it all, you feel even worse.

OK. I've made up my mind. I'm going to get to know 5 people better tomorrow. Also I'm going to say hi to everyone I know or slightly know. OK? OK.

February 26, 1979

Hi.
It's been a whole week! Sorry. I've been very busy. My parents left on Thurs for San Francisco. Lori met a cute guy in Palm Springs. My grades are shitty, I want to go to the prom, I want Allen.

This and more was going through my head last Sat. nite. I was so depressed, I wanted to die. I read over all the notes Allen has given me and I started crying.

I decided I needed someone to talk to so I called Allen. Unusual? Well I'm sure he was totally shocked. Well, I called him and we talked for a long time. I told him I was confused, depressed, and going insane. And of course I started crying. He was shocked.

Well, he comforted me. We talked about school, Cheap Trick, concerts, music, camp, let's see...what else? Oh you know, usual stuff like that. Then he said bye and today (Monday) I thought surely he'd say hi to me. But noooo. Of course he didn't. Piss off.

In geom, French, and Bio I have C's. In Eng and P.E. I have A's. Weird? I don't know what's wrong. Actually I do know--I'm depressed as hell.

My life's going nowhere. All it is is school and homework, and on weekends, more homework. Where's my social life? Shit, I'm depressed. I want to meet people. I want to fall in love with a gorgeous 12th grader, go to the prom, and eventually marry him.

How stupid. Wake up, Zoe. You're a loser and you know it. You'll never have your dreams come true.

I hate my school. I want to go somewhere else. At least I'll meet someone cute. Ha, what a total joke.

February 19, 1979

Today was Lincoln's birthday so we didn't have school Lisa came over and we played tennis. Exciting. Lori came back from Palm Springs and she met a guy! He's in 11th and goes to Kennedy. But, he's moving to Colorado. Ain't that a bitch. Bummer. And she said he's cute. Oh well, tomorrow's school, so I gotta split.

February 18, 1979

I went driving again today and got my certificate. My dad came along. The rest of the day I talked on the phone to Lisa and then my family went to a movie. Ugh. I despise going places with my family.

Tomorrow I'm going to play tennis with Lisa.
Bye for now.

February 17, 1979

Today I went driving. My mom came along for the lesson. When I got home I was supposed to go ice skating, but Alicia couldn't go. So I did homework. I think I understand photosynthesis!

That's about all I did. Boring. I can't talk to Lori since she's in Palm Springs. Alors!
Bye.

February 16, 1979

High! (yes I am, naturally that is)
Today was so fun. I wore a skirt, my hair looked nice, and I was in the best mood. I must have said hi to 100 people! Even tho' I had 3 tests and didn't comprehend photosynthesis, it was a bitchen day!

Tom (in Eng and Bio) was such a sweetie to me. I got tons of compliments and I actually had fun.

For the weekend I have French, Eng, Geom, and Bio homework. DRAG! I was gonna get 1/2 of a Thai stick from Regina, but she didn't get it. I figure that since my parents are going to San Francisco, I might well have fun next week.

Lori's going to Palm Springs for the 3 day weekend. I hope she picks up a cute guy! She's going with Lana, Lana's sister, and their grandparents. No parents! Ha ha! How fantabulous!

Tomorrow I might go ice skating with Alicia. But now I gotta split.
Bye bye!

Valentine's Day, 1979

Hi.
Sorry it's been so long. I was sick till Tuesday. Today (V-day) was Weds. Depressing. All the guys at school bought their girlfriends red roses. It made me so sad, I swear.

At nutrition, Allen came up to me and said hi. I was so shocked, I thought he hated me. Well we talked bout school, our weekends, and other normal stuff. It's weird how he can be nice one day and an asshole another day.

Anyways, I had to go to Eng. so he walked me there and just before I went in, he gave me a Valentine's card. I swear,  I was so totally shocked. This is what it said:
"Dear Zoe, Today is the day for sending special thoughts to very special people-you're really the nicest girl I know. I know that we'll stay good friends. I'm always thinking of you. Love, Allen"

Can you believe that? I swear, he freaks me out-totally. I hate the way he toys with my emotions. Alors, c'est la vie! Au revoir pour maintenant!

February 10, 1979

Today was Jeff Cohen's Bar Mitzvah. Ugh. I hate temple. At his party I met Ron Miller (Bill Miller's bro--remember him from Hebrew School?) Well, it was a drag and a waste of a day. I wish I was at home doing my homework. Of course this weekend I have a ton of HW.

Well, Saturday Nite Live is on now, and I'm gonna watch it.
Bye

February 9, 1979

Thank god it's Friday (I want to get fried). Today was shit, of course. Me and Helene were coming out of Geom and Allen was walking in our direction from the side. Well, he knew damn well that I was there. But, him being the fucker he is, he just ignored me and walked on. I got very mad and I really think he's acting immature. If he hates me, he can fuckin' tell me. Jesus.

In P.E. I'm a team captain and we have a pretty good team. David, Tom, Carol, Steve and Linda...let's see, who else...Oh well, whatever.

Today, during 5th, I say Jon Hackson. He came to visit (he goes to Notre Dame). He is so cute now, I swear. We were talking for a while but then I had to go. Nothing else happened.
So, bye.

February 8, 1979

Allen is such an ass. Today was so shitty. Allen gave me the dirtiest look I have ever seen, and I'm pissed. He's so schitzophrenic (I'm paranoid and he's schizo--now I know why we were together). Nothing much else happened, so I'll split.

February 6, 1979

Today at nutrition I say Allen. I went over to him to say hi ( you know, nice and friendly like). Well, he scooted over, patted the seat next to him and said, "Why don't you sit down?" So I did. I asked if  he got the pictures and he said yes--he read my letter also.

We talked awhile, not mentioning the letter at all. He was telling me all about his weekend. It was so freaky; him being so nice and all. So when the bell rang, I quickly left because I couldn't hack it. He was blowing my mind. At lunch I didn't see him. So that is all.
Bye

February 5, 1979

Today I didn't see Allen once. I wrote him a letter and stuck it in his locker. It said to meet me at my locker at lunch. Well, at lunch, NO ALLEN. So, I went to get our pictures from the Snowball dance (so crappy). I met Helene there, and she said that she say Allen going to his locker so I quickly went to y locker and his, but he had left.

So I wrote him another letter and stuck it in his locker with the pictures. Here's a copy of the letter. God. I'm so depressed.

"Allen,
I got the Snowball pictures today (yuck). What happened?
Hey, where were you today? Didn't you read the note I left in your locker? I guess not.

I really have to talk to you. I don't think going together will work out anymore. I don't know, maybe I'm being a bitch or something, but I guess I don't feel the same way for you as I did before.

I bet you hate me now, right? Well, I don't hate you. I like you and I want to still be friends. That is, if you don't think I'm a  bitch and if you don't hate me.

This is all so fucked, and I'm sorry it had to end this way. Please Allen, keep in touch and still be my friend,
Zoe

February 4, 1979

Hellllo,
I could kill myself. I didn't call Allen this weekend. I don't know why either. I'm such a coward, I swear. Yesterday I went driving with my father. Exciting weekend. Also, I did a report on artificial knees. Blech. Quel drag.

I don't really want to go a face Allen tomorrow. I' so scared to break up with him. Ugh.

Oh well, I guess I'd better go now. "The Way We Were" is on. Oh god, a love story. I don't think I can handle it. Oh well, bye.

February 2, 1979

Hi.
Today was the worst day in my life so far. If I was to rate my depression from 1 to 10, it would be a -10.

It all started when I went straight to english at nutrition. I was sitting there feeling horrible and so sad. I was thinking of how screwed everything has gotten recently. And, of course I started crying. Mrs Coffer, she is so sweet, asked if there was something wrong, but I said no. I should have talked to her. So, anyways all through English I was crying and/or very depressed and sick looking.

At lunch I saw him and I said really formally "Do you have any place to go?" He said no. Then without a word, we went to my locker. After that I said "Where do you want to go?" He said "I don't care." It was all so formal and stiff and so uncomfortable. Then we got outside and it was silent, so I made up something about having to go to the library. So I looked at him for a second and then said bye and left. He said bye and left.

THAT WAS IT. I was going to break up with him, but I guess I'll do it this weekend over the phone.

Anyways on to something less depressing. Alice told Jason that I was going to write him or call him and he said "Allright, does she have my phone number?" I guess he really does like me. Gee, I feel wanted. Maybe I'll call him someday, but for now, my problem's Allen.
See ya.

February 1, 1979

Hi!
Today was the big day. At nutrition, I told Allen everything that was bugging me. It was very apparent that I was PISSED! When the bell rang, I just left and said "I'll see you at lunch." He didn't say bye.

And, at lunch we didn't talk at all. Some guy came over to talk to him, and he totally ignored me. So, when the bell rang, I just split. If he calls me tonite, I'll be a bitch. Hell if I'm going to call him, tho.

Otherwise, today was pretty good. In French, I slept. In P.E. I played a fun game of volleyball, in Geom I actually understood, in bio we did a pretty fun lab.

Guess what! Alice knows Jason Goodman (remember him from Hebrew school?) Well, I told her to say hi to him from me, well, he told her that he used to have a crush on me! And, he can't wait to ask me out, when he gets his car, that is. Isn't that funny! It's pretty ironic also. Because I had a crush on him for a while in 5th or 6th grade or something! So funny.

If Allen hasn't gotten the hint yet, I think I'm going to break up with him.

Bye for now.

P.S. Good news: Windy Canyon has asked me back next summer to be a junior counselor and to be paid $700!!!!!