January 31, 1979

Shit.

I'm in the worst mood. Today at lunch, Allen was being an ass to me. He didn't say one word till the end of lunch and then, when he did, he told me everything he dislikes about my personality. This is what he said:
1. He wants me to look at him when I talk to him.
2. I never kiss him.
3. I call myself a spaz and always put myself down.
4. There's more, but I can't remember.

When he told me all this, I was just standing here, not saying a word. I should have told him to fuck off. I will tomorrow. If he can't stand my personality and look over my faults, why the hell is he going with me? I overlook so many of his faults. But never would I tell them to his face and hurt his feelings. He really hurt my feelings today.

This is the second time he hurt my feelings (the first time he wanted to break up because I couldn't drive with him. Isn't that asinine?) He's such a dumbshit.

He's probably not going to respect me any more if I don't say anything. And if he really cares, he wouldn't use me again.

(later)
I just got off the phone with Allen. I called him. He got on the phone but another extension was off the hook so someone could have listened. So I told him I'd tell him tomorrow and he said OK. Then I said bye. He thought I was going to talk for a while, and I hung up on him. So now, he knows I mean business.

I should tell him to fuck off, you know. He's really being an ass to me.  But I do like him, and I can't say mean things to people I like (apparently he can, though). Oh well, I'm so confused.

Tomorrow I'm going to be a bitch.
Bye.