April 29, 1979

Hi! Today was open house at camp. It was pretty good, except for some of the people who are returning this year. The counselors aren't exactly the greatest, but I guess I'll survive. Allen wasn't there today, so maybe he isn't working there this summer.

When we got there we all had to meet at the circle for a staff meeting. Steve and Bobbie were late. As soon as I saw Steve coming I jokingly said to Alicia maybe he's sit next to me. Well, to make a long story short, he did. Alicia couldn't believe it. I was so happy! I hope I get to work with him next sumer. Also there were some counselors that weren't here today so maybe there's a cute one for me.

April 28, 1979

Hi! God I was freaking out on the 21st!

Well, this past week has been OK, I guess. I'm getting to be better friends with Carol and Sherrie, and through them I've met a few people.

There's a guy named Paul who is the most gorgeous thing that ever walked the earth. He is the 10th best 16-year-old surfer in the world, and he skis also. He is so gorgeous. Sherrie knows him, but for some reason she won't introduce him to me. I don't know why.

Tomorrow is open house at camp and I hope there's a whole bunch of new and cute guys there.

I haven't been sticking to my "diet." I eat because life is so full of shit. Otherwise, I wouldn't have to. I think every time I get "hungry" I'll chew gum or exercise or play guitar or do homework.

I've been so loaded down with homework, I can't believe it. I have the poetry booklet, the experiment, and abstracts to do.  That's just long term things. I also have nightly homework.

Oh well, summer's just 35 more days away. I can't wait.

April 21, 1979

FUCK.
Life is a big deep, dark hole. And I can't get out of it. I have my world. I hate it.

Is there anything I love? I love dreaming.

I love dreaming about what could be, what should be, only to realize it's foolish. Communication is an unknown word in my life.

FUCK ALL OF YOU.

April 17, 1979

Life is Miserable.

I hate my life so much. I've been getting totally disgusted about everything. My mother (I'm ashamed to call her that) is a totally sarcastic bitch.

Why me? Why does all this SHIT have to happen to me. I can't take all of this shit very much longer. I think I'm gonna buy a dime bag off of Regina and run away from this shittiness. Alicia might want to come to.

Life is fucked. School's not that bad, in fact, it's pretty good compare to life at home with this fucked family.

Everyone bugs me. My father (at meals) sits there and shoves the food into his mouth like he can't get enough. No wonder he's so fat. And when he's done, he burps about 20 times, but he tries to suppress them. But since he's such a monster, the suppressed burp just explodes inside him. It makes me want to puke. EVERY NIGHT.

I'll cut down everyone else later.

I'm so depressed. I'm also in a total rut. I'm going to change. From now on, no matter how hungry I am, when I get home from school I will NOT eat anything. I will do tons of exercises on the bike or whatever. I will bike ride for  hour during Mary Tyler Moore and Bob Newhart. I'm going to lose 20 pounds before summer.

If I meet someone this summer, I'll be more confident that I was with Allen. I think. Oh well, whatever. I just hope I meet someone totally cute and nice.

April 16, 1979

Crud! Vacation's over. Want to know what I did? I went to Knott's Berry Farm, laid out, and played tennis. I didn't do any work. Shame on me! All-n-all, it was a complete drag. Just think, next year about this time I'll have (hopefully) a car and will be able to drive to the beach over vacation.

I also got my CPR test done. I didn't get the certificate tho. I'ts worth $50 extra this summer. I'm also enrolled in advanced life saving. Another $50. Let's see:
$700- for the 2 sessions
$20-for the open house
$100-for overnites
Total - = $860--Oh my god! Not bad. Maybe, just maybe I'll be able to buy a normal car next year.

I can't wit till summer. I want to meet a cute, burly, smart guy. Helene thinks Allen still likes me because he totally avoids me and seems depressed. If he does see me, he looks like he really wants to be friends with me but that I'll tell him to fuck off or something. Too bad.

I CAN'T WAIT FOR SUMMER!

April 12, 1979

Hi. Let's see, what's happened this past week? Well, on Monday, Alicia came over and we went to the Zone which was closed. Then I slept over her house. In the morning we went to the mall and I threw up. On weds I was ill.

Now this is what happened in June's life: On Sat, she went to Palm Springs. Mike asked her to go to the California world musical festival on Sun. Well, they went and there was a riot, June got lost, and Mike lost his keys so they took a cab home. They also partied.

On tues her family went to Disneyland. She didn't go. Instead she and Mike went to see "Hair" and came back to her house. They started kissing and Mike was undoing her blouse and trying to french her. Well, in the middle of this, her family walked in! Mike ran into the bathroom and June ran into the hall buttoning her shirt. Her parents knew he was there because his car was out in front.

Well, her parents balled him out and they balled June out. They called her a tramp and they thought her and Mike were having sex. They made her call him (with her mom on the extension) and tell him she wasn't ever going to see him again at school or anywhere else. She also can't talk to him on the phone. Isn't that irrational? Also, her parents were saying crap about having no trust any more (sound familiar?). She is up shit creek.

Now June has a hickey on her neck, and her parents are REALLY pissed off. they have Mike, they called him asinine and a fucking bastard (in her dad's words). Her dad said he could tell Mike had a boner. They told June that the Persian boys she knows are better than Mike. They are actually more perverted.

I gotta split now, because I got to go take the red cross life-saving test.

April 7, 1979

Hello,
Today's Helene's party. It'll probably be a drag, everyone speaking Japanese except me and Carol. Oh well, I guess that's life.

I'm going over there at 3:00 to help out. My bitchy mother wants me to go to some store to get some shoes. Drag.

April 5, 1979

MY LIFE IS MISERABLE. 

Today was report card day and I got an A in French and an A in P.E. I got a B in Eng and a B in Bio. Finally, I got a C in Geom.

Tomorrow is this HUGE test in geom and my parents are to blame if I fail it. You see, tonite I had to go to a totally ridiculous play that my sister's school put on. I HAD TO STUDY. Any ways, when we got home, they accused me of lying to them (so what's new). Then they spazzed out about my report card. I HATE LIFE.

I swear, it reminded me of 8th grade, or whenever, when they kept balling me out every single day. SCREW LIFE.

Anyways, now I'm siting here crying my eyes out. Partly because of these so-called parents of mine, and partly because I'm very hi-strung now. It's been a while since I've let my emotions out, so HERE COMES. I think I'll cry myself to sleep tonight.

As of tonight I am making this promise: I will NOT let anyone "get" to me. I will work my ass off getting good grades. I will not think of the future when I'll be able to leave this shit hole prison, and hopefully become sane again--if I ever was.

April 4, 1979

Hi!

I cut school with Vicky today and went to ND. While we were waiting for the bus, Nick drove by with the camp bus. Freaky! Also, Mark N. got on the bus at Nord St. and we talked. Alicia thinks he likes me. I hope so, he's got a great bod and face. His personality is so-so, but I don't care.

There's a guy who sits behind Alicia and gives her backrubs. His name is Albert. He's the sweetest guy. He's also totally gorgeous. BUT, he's got a girlfriend and everybody is going for him at ND, namely Alicia!

Mark and his friend are coming to my school tomorrow. Tomorrow's progress report day. I think I'll get an A in French, an A in P.E., a B in English, a C in geom, and a C in Bio. I hope not. I'll totally shit if I get that crap.

This sat is Helene's party. I hope I have fun. Ken is going to be there. Maybe I'll ask him to slow dance with me. I love his bod.

I'm getting my hair cut for her party--really short. Also I'm wearing a really pretty dress. I hope I meet someone super nice!

Easter vacation starts this weekend! I can't believe it; school's 3/4 over. Amazing.

I can't wait for summer. Maybe by some far, remote chance, someone will ask me out or something. I HOPE SO.

On Fri, I have a geom chapter test and I have to study for it. So, ciao for now!